Thank you Dr. Phil

     Every Wednesday morning I facilitate a women's trauma group at work. It's specifically created for women who have endured physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or been through any other tragic events. I always feel like God lays the topic on my heart right when I need it. It usually comes to me randomly and I'm often inspired by something I wasn't expecting to be. So this morning I was feeling rushed and uninspired, not to mention miserable with cramps, and had no idea what I would lead my group on. I bring three or four inspirational quotes every week and the girls just love it. I was looking up quotes and found a great one from good old Dr. Phil: "You show others how to treat you". Ammmeeennnn. I started a discussion with my group today around the importance of demanding respect from our partners. I had to be a little cautious with this topic because I didn't want to infer in any way that they CAUSE the domestic violence. No one can make another person harm them. But we do model how we believe we should be treated. I shared that we have to love ourselves enough and have enough respect for ourselves to demand a partner treat us the way we deserve. I gave an example of while in high school, my girlfriends hung out with a group of guys that decided one day it would be fun to start punching the girls and giving them bruises. My friends would whine and complain, saying that hated it, showing me their bruises and saying that they wished the boys would quit. I was never punched by any of them. Not once. I demanded respect and they knew that they could not treat me that way. I never said it and they tried it. It was understood. I also gave an example that I hope that my clients feel respected by me and thats why they treat me with respect. People often ask me, "Is it scary working with addicts"? Hell no! They are people just like you and me who have tragic stories and used a substance as their coping mechanism. I give them respect and I remind them that they are human beings who have a story and deserve to be loved and respected and because of that, they treat me with respect in return.    
     I believe that it is sooo important as a woman to "find" ourselves and love ourselves enough to know what we deserve. I have been going through that process over the last three years of learning who I am, who I want to be, and who I should have in my life. I will never have completely arrived but I believe that especially over the last few weeks, I have begun to love myself enough to demand respect and to no longer allow men (or women) to take advantage of me or mistreat me. But the only way that I can demand to be treated right and the only way I can expect to be with a fabulous man who treats me right, is to respect others in the same way. We get back what we give out. In the times that I have been insecure, unsure, damaged, and needy, I have drawn people to me that feed off that. I have made mistakes in allowing men in my life when I shouldn't have just so that I can simply feel comfort. God is continuing to mold me into the woman I am called to be and I know that what HE has started will continue to grow and bloom if I continue to act in kindness, love, maturity, and to strive to be the best version of me I can be...