Drama to love...

I have this quote taped on my wall in my office:
"He knows what He is doing with me. I cannot always understand His way, but I am content in the realization that He knows what is best. That is surrender." ~Daya Mata
     There's that word SURRENDER I love so much again. Surrendering to God having a bigger plan for me is something I have to wrestle with daily.
      I have always been a drama queen. My entire life. My family and long-time friends are rapidly bobbing their heads to a point of injuring their necks. I have always had drama with boys, friends, and family. I remember when my last boyfriend told me I was addicted to drama, I got defensive. How dare he say that? I gave it a lot of thought and realized that he is right. I have always lived off drama. I am one of those people that are GOOD in crisis. I like my blood to be pumping, my heart beating, and I spring into action. I'm the ringleader for confronting family, friends, whoever necessary. I have argued with boyfriends just for the sake of proving a point. I have always loved to have the last word and if that means I hurt somebody, well poor them. They need to get on board. My ex husband used to say that I was mean. I got mad at him for that :) Through the process of my divorce and finding myself, I realized how right he was. I WAS mean. I have always been selfish, confrontational, and quick tempered. The last three years have been a process of God softening my heart. I will repeat to myself, "slow to speak and slow to become angry" over and over. I don't want to be quick tempered. I want to think before I speak. I want to show God's love. I will save that next part for my next entry. My job has COMPLETELY changed me. I have softened so much because of my clients. I tell them all the time that they have changed me and helped me so much more than I could ever do for them. They have taught me not to judge based on appearance or past or how society views them. I've learned that everyone-every race, age, sex, orientation-everyone deserve to be loved and given a chance to be who God created them to be. It doesn't matter if they came to America illegally or if they have done drugs or if they have had ten abortions, or if they have been to prison. They are human beings-children of God that deserve to have someone SEE them for who they are. To validate the pain they have experienced. To be praised for their gifts and talents and to be loved for who they are and who they are attempting to become. My political, spiritual, and relationship belief toward EVERYONE is LOVE. God is LOVE. Just LOVE. Stop saying BUT and Well they...stop. Everyone deserves a chance and if they are unwilling to use the opportunity, then let them go and let them try again later. But no one should ever be thought of as less than. So this drama queen is slowly but surely and by the grace of God becoming a LOVER. A lover of GOD. A lover of HUMAN BEINGS. A lover of second and third chances. A lover of kindness. A lover of loving. My ex husband deserved to be LOVED better by me and I know that God will provide that to him in his future. I too deserved to be loved better. I know God will fulfill that for me someday. But first, love needs to come from CHRIST and be enough for me. A man's love, attention, or praise will never be enough. I will always fail every human at some point. I want to first be found, identified, and secure in God's unfailing love. Sheesh, I have a long way to go...:)